Sry I called you an 8
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
