i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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