I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
