The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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