I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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