Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
