If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
