you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
