Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
