Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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