she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
