I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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