im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
