I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
