i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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