apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
