WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
