You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize