Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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