fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
