Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
