was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
