We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize