yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
