I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
