I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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