I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
