just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
