Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
