just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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