I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
