she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
