I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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