Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize