I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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