Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize