It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
