Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
