wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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