my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
