I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
