Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
