How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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