So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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