His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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