What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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