Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
