i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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