I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
