I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
