i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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