just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
