allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
