What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
