Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize