There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
