Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
