I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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