Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize