Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
