i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
