Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
