Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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