We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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