where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love you. Go after that dick
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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