If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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