I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
