Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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