Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
