He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
