I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
