Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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